LIVING WITH DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY

A few years ago, I began to suffer from depression and anxiety and as this continued it only became harder to fight. The more you fall into depression, the harder it becomes to stay positive and keep your confidence, in return this begins affecting the way you socialise with others and for me at least, that only made my depression stronger. Once I was at my worst, all I felt was sadness and occasionally anger, which I actually welcomed, as much as I hated my anger, it was the only time I felt alive. Positive things also occurred in my life during this time, but as much as I tried, I could not find that happy feeling. It reached a point where I wondered, will I ever feel happy again? Will I be able to move on from my depression? Remember depression comes and goes but you are always here. After 8 years, unable to find happiness within me, even in exciting situations, I slowly began to give up, what was the point of trying if I always felt the same? The reason a person must keep trying is because if you don’t, you’ll never find that happy feeling you’re searching for, it might take days, months or even years but eventually happiness does come back.

 

This might seem a little farfetched but I hope it can help those who feel like getting back to that happy feeling is almost impossible. Constant stress and worry effects the body so badly, to the point where it actually changes functions within the brain which makes it harder to be happy. Since I developed epilepsy no thanks to my work bullies, my brain was constantly being analysed and once I was a little less stressed, my brain started functioning as it should and it became easier for me to be happy. No matter how hopeless it seems now, eventually there is hope for things to get easier. I spent 8 years feeling only sadness and anger, even when something positive happened to me I still couldn’t find that happy feeling. The brain, chemicals, varying sizes of different sections within the brain, it’s complicated but I hope it gives those searching for a little hope the boost they need to keep on trying.

I learned a few things from my experience, the first one being that my brain can be my best friend or my worst enemy. Your brain is the one who controls your emotions, not so much the situation you might find yourself in. There are many situations that are just too strong to ignore but overanalysing the situation all the time, makes the depression stronger. Sometimes as hard as this might sound, you have to switch off, take control of your brain and for a few moments’ peace can be found within. I know this is very easily said, many people would tell me “stop thinking about your problems” and this would anger me even more. I wish I could have switched off back then but it isn’t that easy but to a degree they were right. When I woke up in the morning, before I remembered the situation I was in, I was at peace. Two seconds later I remembered and my brain took control of me and the depression returned before I had even got out of bed.

 

Another thing I learned was how negativity only made my depression worse, it repelled others away from me, which just made me more negative, more anxious and the depression became stronger. As hard as it might sound, try to be positive around others, in return their interaction with you will make you feel positive too. We are all linked to one another, the way we communicate and vibe with others plays a big factor in curing or developing depression. Always try to remain positive around others, no matter how negative you feel inside. Many people actually do this, they put on a brave and happy face in public but when alone or around those they truly feel comfortable with, that’s when the depression stops hiding and exposes itself.

 

This is also something I’ve come to learn throughout the years and this applies not only to the depressed individual but those around them too. Has anyone in your family or circle of friends pissed you off, for the sole reason that around you they are negative and depressed but yet in public and around acquaintances they seem to be a lot of fun? When a person is depressed it is hard to hide it but in public, they are able to hide it much easier than when around those they love and feel most comfortable with. If you’re someone dealing with someone with depression, remember that they are hiding their true feelings but that doesn’t last forever and so when the depressed person is around people they feel comfortable with, they stop trying and the depression takes over in plain sight. Don’t get angry with this person, don’t push them away, feel special that you are one of the few people they can be themselves with, they love you so much, they feel they don’t have to try and hide their true nature and put on a brave face. This is a sad situation because eventually the person pushes those closest to them away and this is how relationships fall apart.

 

When someone is depressed, they usually go and visit a phycologist, this is very helpful because they are able to discuss their problems with someone. Family members, best friends, co-workers, we can all listen, talk things through with someone who is depressed. Taking your thoughts from your brain to your mouth and releasing them with words is very therapeutic as is writing about your situation. When you think about it, all one does is go around in circles but when you write about it, you are forced to analyse and deal with the situation as you try to find the right words to express your feelings. I am lucky because writing is my passion, when my problems become too much to store away in my brain, I write them down. Knowing I have my thoughts written out makes me think less, if I have to explain myself to someone, I already have it all written for them to read over it. This helps them understand how I am feeling, in return it allows me to think less, instead of having it all bottled up and having to remember it all and put it into words every time I discuss my problems with someone new.

 

If anyone is interested, I have written a book titled “Politics, Bullies & You: A True Story By Nicholas Napoli.” Don’t let the title fool you, my book touches on mental health, depression, anxiety, spiritualism, everything I consider valuable to get yourself out of depression. I wish the best to everyone struggling with anxiety and depression, be strong, be positive, write, speak, but don’t bottle it up inside, things eventually get better. Good luck everybody, I hope anyone suffering right now realizes things can get better with time.

 

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